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What The Bear Does In The Woods

11 Oct

With Amazon rapidly becoming the marketplace of the world, it has also slowly become the forum for public reactions to global commerce. Nowhere is this more evident than in the wonderful and often genius satire of Amazon Joke Reviews. I first encountered this phenomenon when someone sent me a link to the helpful book, How To Avoid Huge Ships. Reading the reviews literally had me passing out with laughter at my desk. Over the years I have enjoyed other classics such as the Hutzler Banana Slicer (where the “customer-submitted images” are the real show stopper) and the BIC Cristal for Her debacle (in which some of the reviews seriously have some of the best social satire I have seen in years).

Thus I was excited to see a new contestant making the rounds of my Facebook feed this morning, this 5-lb bag of Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears. As I read these reviews, my laughter came with a touch of fear, for this time I knew that these were not merely the elaborate works of trolls. Many of these horrifying stories are likely real.

How do I know this? Because I have seen these horrors for myself.

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But What If I Want A Light Snack?

22 Aug

Some good friends of mine are recent converts to paleo, and it’s been adorable watching them make all the first steps and growing pains that we all go through when we start this new path in life. The joy at realizing that bacon is now a health food, the frustration at the “wealth” of foods in the grocery store that are no longer edible, the dawning realization that they need to just stick to the edges of the grocery store, and so on.

The male of the couple, Jim, has gotten especially passionate about nutrient-dense food and hasn’t let his minimal cooking experience hold him back from trying liver recipes (something that I am still working up to). We had an amusing conversation about it the other day:

Jim: This…. http://www.food.com/recipe/mirjs-heart-attack-on-a-plate-chopped-chicken-liver-22420 … is what’s for dinner, bitches.
Jim: This is like, delicious meat paste
Jim: I like how she claims it’s “definitely not healthy”…
Jim: I’m like sheeeeeiiiiiit, bitch, please.
Jim: This is the healthiest thing you’ve eaten in the last month.

I think their conversion has been easy because they were already aware of the importance of “real” food over processed foods. Jim’s wife, Kara, commented that she lost almost 15 pounds after they moved to California last fall, which was way before they went paleo. She chalks it up to eating more fresh food with quality ingredients, which apparently had been lacking in their diet when they were back in the Midwest.

Anyway, Kara just sent me this awesome graphic that she found buried on her G+ feed (yes people use it) from over a year ago, when she first started thinking about the quality of foods. She unfortunately doesn’t remember the source she got it from, but it’s still great for a laugh anyway.

Edit: The most-likely original source has been tracked down. Thanks, wilburfan!